Query Quandary

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I just had my first writing buddy (writing buddy #1) read over my query letter.  The verdict was grim, oh, so grim.

I’m ashamed to have let that thing out the door, and actually had a real-life agent read and reject it.

Joe, my writing buddy #1,  couldn’t even get past the first sentence.

I kept forcing myself on through it, but I was lost; confused; constantly re-reading each word.

I am so sorry I put Joe through that.  He’s got a newborn at home, a couple of jobs, and he’s got his own creative projects going on.  And then I top it off by asking him to review my crappy query letter.  Of course, he did offer…

Anyway, I felt really bad for about 10 minutes.  I thanked him for his thoughts and suggestions, then promptly put it aside so that I could work.

But then he emailed back, and suggested I write the thing as if I was a famous writer.  Like Stephen King or Lee Child.

Joe, if I could do that, don’t you think I’d have done that by now?

So, obviously, I have issues with my query letter.  I put the beast through Critters a month ago, and I thought I responded to everyone’s suggestions, but apparently not.  I even tried JW Manus’s ideas.  Woefully, I’m still not getting it.

After reviewing all the suggestions I’ve gotten so far, I’m gonna try it again tonight.  I’ll focus on Andreas’ story ONLY and leave out all the historical details.  We’ll see what I come up with.

Wish me luck!  Please, I need it.

3 thoughts on “Query Quandary

  1. Hi,

    They have a query letter hell, here;


    It is in the post your work forum. It would mean joining the forum though to log into the section, which is password potected, but once you are a forum member you can see the password next to the forum, if that makes sense. Or you could ask KatG to take a look at your query.

    It is best to write it from one character’s POV. You don’t have to ditch all your historical info, just mention the main points,as in Spain circa …. during such and such…..



    My query pitch for HOG if it helps.

    Passchendaele 1917; Capt Robert Hardy is trapped on the wire, wounded in mind and body, convinced he should be dead. This is the beginning of his battle to come home, to bring with him, and lay to rest, the ghosts of the men who will never leave the fields of Flanders. His goal is to protect them, and their memory from a thief, who not only stole their possessions on the battlefield, but is also intent on using the grief of family to make money by holding out the false hope of contact with the departed. His fight is not only against the evil of one man, it is against a legend of an older time, a Hand of Glory, the warped and twisted tool of robbers. A new friend, Agnes Reed, and the ghost of an old one, Corporal George Adams, help Hardy in his struggle. Set in the torn fields of Flanders and a small English county town, Hand of Glory deals with the reality of life after the horrors of war, and the battle of hope against an enemy that feeds on loss.

    1. Wow, Sue. Would you write my query letter?

      Joke! Sort of. Thanks so much. I’m getting coached by Manus, so maybe I’ll actually come up with something better after I work through her points.

      Also, thanks for the example. One thing I’ve noticed with all the examples I’ve read is that they are all so different except for one thing: they are interesting. They make me want to read more and they are so easy to read.

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