I told myself a while back that I wouldn’t do this again.

And I was doing rather well this weekend.

I’ve received 7 crits back on my horrible query letter, but the suggestions made were all helpful.  I was indeed looking forward to re-writing the letter more in line with my new and improved synopsis while incorporating the critique’s comments.

Notice I wrote “new and improved”, and not “good” or “adequate” or any sort of positive assessment.

That’s because, frankly, I have a hard time assessing my work.  As many writer’s know, you either think your work is wonderful or you think it’s crap – all at once.

Regardless, the cause of my current self-loathing (which I promised myself I wouldn’t fling upon the world on this here blog, but if not here, where?) is not the above crits to a letter I will probably never send.  Rather, it was brought about by an unexpected, seemingly innocuous, event.

I got an email.

This email contained my BayCon Writer’s Workshop novel submission along with two other submissions.  An attached letter explained that we, the participants, are to critique our fellow writers.  In addition, three professional authors will be critiquing all our submissions.  So, presumably, we’ll be getting five in-depth critiques. (gulp)

Okay, pretty typical.  Nothing I can’t handle.

But then the author of the email asked that we open all the attached submissions to ensure that we could read them all.  As mine was in the batch, I checked it too.


There is nothing more startling than getting your crap thrown back at you.

I suck.


5 thoughts on “Self-Hate

  1. Seriously, Nila? Really? If a piece of writing doesn’t satisfy you, it’s not because you suck, it’s because you need to fix it. Which is why you sent it in for critique, right? To figure out how to make it better? Now, if you’re the kind of person who scratches her butt in public or laughs when people fall down or forgets birthdays, then yeah, maybe you suck. But nobody will think you suck because of a work in progress.

    1. Thank you! I’m going to try the love letter thing…not sure if I can do it, but I’ll get it up this week…maybe… 😮

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